I wrestled my first match just after New Year's 1996. I'd been online for a couple of years by this point, but I took my time about, first, coming up with the idea to wrestle "life" and, second, to arrange a match. I was talking and cyberwrestling a lot with a guy I knew as "Luke," but he lived a good distance away, and I had no viable reason to travel in his direction. Although I didn't spend as much time with anybody else online, the same was true--in regards to travel--with several other wrestlers I was interested in.

I don't remember how I met D. More than likely we met in AOL's "wrestling m4m" room. He was an older guy, mid 50s or so, I think. (I was just turned 37.) We chatted online for a good long while. Our interests were similar, although he liked bear hugs while I liked head scissors. Our size was similar, although he outweighed be by several pounds. Our experience was similar--none on my side and little if any on his. Other common interests drew us together as well--religion, education, an interest in history and so on. He taught history at a university near where some friends of mine live, and at some point I was struck by the idea that I could plan a visit to see my friends and try to set up a wrestling match with this D. That's what I did.

We exchanged pictures via regular mail, I think, and arranged the match for January 2nd. We would meet for lunch somewhere in his town and then, if we felt okay with each other, we'd go back to his place and wrestle. Afterwards I would continue on to spend the rest of the trip with my friends.

I can hardly express the mix of emotions I felt as the time for our meeting approached. I was excited that this longtime fantasy of mine was on the verge or being realized. I was afraid of what might happen if we wrestled. Again, both of us had similar interests, so I had no fear that an erection on my part would offend him or humiliate me. He said it was just as likely to happen to him as well. I'd always known that I wasn't gay, and I'd apparently worked hard over the years to deflect any ideas that my wrestling interest, as it turned more toward men, suggested that possibility. What I feared in my meeting with D was that our wrestling excitement would devolve into sex. I didn't want that, and neither, it seemed, did he. But what if the wrestling got me so excited that I couldn't help myself? How would I explain it? Mutual masturbation among boys is one thing; adult sex between men is quite another. But the desire to experience wrestling was stronger than my fear of the possible homosexual experience, so I made my plans and followed through. . . .